Separation Anxiety – The Myths

I should know better by now than to read articles in journals which claim to have ‘experts’ writing about dog behaviors and how to resolve them.

The lack of real knowledge and understanding is astounding…and infuriating.

This serves to remind me that very few people have truly studied canine behavior in a meaningful way; ways which would put the canine’s perspective front-and-center rather than continue to promote human projections that do nothing but disservice to dogs and continue to make matters worse by continually disseminating wrong information.

The most recent piece of misinformation I skimmed (cringing while doing so, dreading what I would read) was about Separation Anxiety, something that has become very common over the last 50 years or so in our domestic dogs. The cause has everything to do with our human behaviors and interactions with our dogs, which have devolved (won’t say ‘evolved’ since it is truly a deterioration in behaving correctly and kindly with them) into seeing and treating the dog as if they were children.

The author stated Separation Anxiety occurs because “the dog hates to be alone” and that just thirty years ago, “Mom stayed at home all day while Dad went off to work, so dogs were less exposed to isolation…”

Hmm…so are they saying as an entire species, dogs ALL had someone at home with them all the time? So the majority of them now exhibit SA as a result of no “Mom” at home?

That’s just silly and I don’t know about you, but this statement is rather sexist and, in my own experience, isn’t correct at all. Thirty years (and more) ago dogs were left to their own devices, allowed out in the morning to wander and do their own thing, coming back later to eat and to be safe in the home at night. That situation was much more common than any kind of “Donna Reed” or “Father Knows Best” lifestyle.

Even if one parent did stay at home, the dog was given free reign to come and go as they liked and it wasn’t questioned by the humans. In fact, the parents I know would shoo the dog out more often than welcome them in, because they recognized them as being animals, not children requiring constant care, oversight and *shudder*, “stimulation”. The dogs were most often found lying about in the yard, under the porch where it was cool, or taking in the sunshine while relaxing on the grass.

In reality, Separation Anxiety is panic and that panic is caused by the dog’s belief that their dependent, their ‘baby’, is going out ‘into the wild’ without the dog for protection. Simple.

Imagine if your toddler walked out the door and you weren’t allowed to follow. The panic you would feel would drive you mad! This is the reason for the dog’s behaviors in worrying about where you are and whether you’re alright…or even alive!

In the article the author touts the use of “training” to resolve Separation Anxiety (SA). Training does nothing to change the dog’s mind about what it’s doing and why. In fact, training can actually back fire because when we react and respond to a dog’s behaviors we reinforce the very behaviors we don’t want. This means when a dog begins to panic because they know you’re getting ready to leave and we respond to it by giving them food, reassuring them, talking at them, interacting with them, the dog’s understanding is that you, too, are very anxious about leaving.

Dog can also quickly figure out that the panic behavior will get 100% of your attention and focus thereby keeping you with them longer, when our goal should be to help the dog to become relaxed and unconcerned about our departure.

In reality, when we give the dog the right information they will get to the point where they don’t even notice you’ve gone!

Toileting in the home is common with SA. This behavior is simply the dog’s way of trying to help the missing family member find their way home. By laying down scent, the dog hopes it’s loved one will pick up the scent and find their way back home. It’s isn’t at all about any expression of anger or resentment on the dog’s part. Dogs just don’t think that way. Their goal is to preserve the group, keep the numbers consistent for the group’s survival. Yes, they can grow to love us, certainly, and that love encompasses that concern and worry for the missing person’s survival.

Destruction is also common with SA. The dog tries to find something which has its family member’s scent on it in order to feel closer to them. Imagine your child has gone missing, and you go into their room, pick up a piece of clothing or their pillow, put it to your face and inhale their scent. We all have done this at one time or another; it’s an instinctive behavior. For the dog in a white-hot panic, however, it may not be enough to just have the scent so they begin to chew whatever they find. Quite often it’s the television remote, or shoes or socks; anything that’s saturated with the human’s scent. The chewing is calming for the dog because it releases beneficial, calming hormones in the dog’s brain, meaning they are attempting to self-medicate. In human terms, people with a missing child might bite their nails, or eat, or perhaps take in alcohol to calm their nerves.

Howling and barking are expressions of anxiety but also used to call their missing person home. The howling is simply about hoping the ‘baby’ hears it and follows the howls home again, safely.

Besides training, another recommendation that is always given by ‘experts’ is to give the dog possession of a stuffed Kong. It’s thought the by giving the dog food it will “keep them busy and occupied” so they won’t be acting out, presumably it distracts them, too. As we know, humans are often prone to engaging in emotional eating, but even when that is done, it doesn’t relieve the worry and anxiety from our minds, correct?

Very often people will recount the experience of returning home, only to find the Kong completely untouched. At least until the dog decides to use it to gain its human’s attention.

Adding to this, giving a dog possession of a food item, whether it’s a filled food dish that is left down all the time, or a stuffed Kong gives the dog the information which reinforces their belief in being responsible for everyone. Food is an extremely potent signal in the canine world, and it is the leader who makes all decisions around it, controlling this most precious, life-preserving resource. If the dog can take food anytime it chooses, then in the dog’s mind that would naturally make them the leader, decision-maker, protector, provider.

In essence, when we give the dog a stuffed Kong and leave, we make matters exponentially worse emotionally for our dogs in terms of their state of mind and state of panic.

As far as how to resolve SA, which is truly quite a simple process, we need only to correct our interactions and make small changes in our own behavior with and around our dogs in order to send the information the dogs need to release the anxiety and panic about our absence. Learning to arrive and also to leave correctly is something that easily and simply begins the process of showing your dog you are confident and capable coming and going from the home. When all four areas of a dog’s greatest concern are addressed, the dog can then begin to trust your leadership and decision-making.

Also, a practice called Gesture Leaving shows the dog through concrete action that you can ‘disappear’ and still come back whole and healthy. Creating a separation between you and your dog such as walking into the next room and closing the door behind you re-enacts leaving. Stay behind the door for seconds at first, then come back into the room with your dog, all the while keeping your head up and going about your business as though nothing has happened. For the dog, however, this is a very big happening and the more it’s repeated, slowly lengthening the time of separation and successfully reappearing for your dog, the sooner he/she learns through experience that you are more than capable of taking care of yourself without their aid.

Learning through experience…observing your actions…not ‘training’ with food reward or “reassurance” to confound, complicate and distract. 

Setting up an environment for learning; creating “teachable moments” when our dogs are calm and when we are calm so the dog can focus, observe and actually take in what we are attempting to show them with our actions.

This is how dogs learn.

This is how to resolve Separation Anxiety for your dog.

 

 

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